My first memories of conscious I knew I was here for a purpose, to grow. I also strongly felt I was returning for another go at life.

My first memory was looking at my mother's reflection in a mirror. She was holding me and singing Christmas Carols from a little booklet —a booklet of Christmas Carols from John Hancock Insurance. I could tell she liked the sight of herself in the role of mother. I remember thinking, "she likes being a mother". We never bonded for many reasons, her hardships killed within her any capacity for loving me. She was damaged, her motivations were narcissistic and she was in terrible soul pain. She committed suicide in 2001. My mother taught me many lessons but most were the "How Not to Do This-Type" and I suspect she is due a return trip to learn what she avoided last time around.

I can look at her life and see times where she was given lessons and tests but she rejected life's hardships and ultimately she had nothing to wear as armor, she was unprotected and she believed that she was unable to survive. I wish she could have learned this was not true. I wish her every success.

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IT FEELS RIGHT: There are times when everything falls into place and life just feels 'right'. This is the best sign telling us we are on the right path, the path we chose before we were even born.

IT HURTS: Life is so painful sometimes. The death of a loved one can feel like a limb torn off. Watching the suffering of strangers, friends and family can seem overwhelming. It is hard to embrace pain but this is exactly what one has to do to be able to survive and continue on your path

When I was 26, I called my mother and cried into the phone. I told her it was so hard to see my husband dying of a brain tumor. I was scared and I needed her. My mother told me that my husband was her favorite and it was too much for her to bear his loss, she asked me to never call her again. She did not want to hear about his suffering. She made no mention of my suffering but that was no surprise, the spouse of a cancer patient is usually ignored. My mother never called or spoke to me until she showed up at his funeral seven years later. I was filled with rage and greeted her with anger. She was a happy in the role of martyr and happily accepted my rage. Over the following decade, we healed our relationship. It was not easy but I am very glad I made the effort. It would have been easier to ignore her and stay angry but my soul would not evolve in that state.

Thirteen years later my Grandfather, her father, was dying of thyroid cancer. She refused to see him. He begged her to visit. She told me it was too painful. I offered to take her late at night and tell no one. But she refused. She killed herself a few months later, I think she preferred to die rather than see him die, but I am only guessing about that. I do believe though, that if she had been their for me, she would have been strong enough to be there for her father and still be here on this earth. Life is full of trials, we can choose to avoid them or we can choose to become stronger better humans. I shudder to think of her next life, if this courage was a lesson for her to learn, how would life force her to learn it next time?

SUCCESS: You will know when you've learned a lesson well, when you are able to take your lesson and help another. When you can face an adversary or tragedy and be strong, you will be able to provide comfort.